Opening up to you was so slow but so extremely true, full, and deep. You were my friend. And then my best friend. All the things, like my imperfections and vulnerabilities were pushed aside completely because to someone you don’t care to impress those attributes just simply clear your mind. From the day we met you accepted me for me. Imperfections and all. And for you I did the same. We saw each other as two people, simply living life. We saw the different people we both dated, and were there still when those encounters ended. Witnessing one another at our best and worst was a common thing, and being there to pick up the pieces was even more so. As the years went by you began to know me for the exact girl I am, and you stuck around regardless. I began to open up to you in ways which no one sees. Ever. But you saw. And you listened. And you responded with empathy and enlightenment every single time. The thought that you could use all I’ve ever put into you- against me, scared me to death. But the fact that still to this day you haven’t, removes the trembling from my hands. In my life I have had millions of vivid, long, and diverse conversations with a handful of people. But there is not one that could possibly compare to the ones we have. The mental connection we share is almost as if our brains are in sync. Like two puzzle pieces that somehow fit perfectly together. Not a moment of silence can pass where I don’t have something to say to you. I could honestly talk for hours. I never looked at you, or us in the way that I am now describing because from the day I met you, you were instantly categorized into a place where you still remain. I knew that what we could have, would be an amazing friendship. And that friendship we most definitely obtained. You have been there even when I have pushed you away. You have refused, and are still refusing to give up on me and the treachery that goes on in my head. And for that I am so thankful. I am now stepping back and looking at our relationship from a completely different perspective and to be honest it’s confusing me a lot. More than the confusion it’s fear. When you have something so bold and genuine, you treat it with the most care in fear that damaging it could be permanent. This is the reason why I have completely blocked off and refused to think of you as anything more than my friend. But I’m seeing things differently now, and I’m not sure what to do. I might be too young to settle down and marry, but I’m definitely too old to be playing games. I’m too old to just be talking to someone, too old to not know what’s really going on, and too old to be entertaining somebody with no intentions of making it work. At this age, I’m only interested in consistency, stability, respect and loyalty. And I want to hear someone tell me that they love me and know they goddam mean it.
"After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today,
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn…
With every goodbye you learn."
10 BETTER BODY AFFIRMATIONS
1. Your body is in flux for the rest of your life. Think of your body as fluid instead of static — it’s always going to change. So get comfortable with those changes.
2. No one will love you or not love you because of your body. You are lovable because you’re you, not because your body looks a certain way.
3. The most intensely personal relationship you’ll ever have is with your body. It’s a lifelong relationship that’s well worth investing in and nurturing the same way you would with loved ones.
4. You don’t owe your body to anyone. Not sexually, not aesthetically. Your body is yours. Period.
5. What someone else says about your body says more about them than it does about you. Look past the actual snark to the person who’s saying it, because it’s only a reflection of what they think of themselves. That’s when you’ll see how little power their words have.
6. Your body is not a reflection of your character. It’s a physical home for the complex and wondrous and unique being that is you.
7. Take up as much space as you want. You don’t have to be small, or quiet, or docile, regardless of your physical size.
8. Everything you need to accept your body is already inside you. There’s no book, or diet, or workout routine or external affirmation that you need to feel good about your body right now.
9. Your body is a priority. It’s always trying to tell you things. Taking the time to listen to is of the utmost importance.
10. Wear whatever you want. Your body shape does not dictate your personal style, and fashion rules that say otherwise are wrong. Dress yourself in a way that makes you feel happy and confident and beautiful, because guess what? You are.